12 Years...

I never think of anything right away. It kind of suck, tired, betrayed, tension and it is come finally. The day that I afraid of. Sometimes, I really hate to being myself. Innocent, loyal, straight, passionate and at the end the one that hurt would be me myself. This was awful though. I feel, cannot blame anyone or who ever it is. It is my mistake as well or neither. I don't know. I try to redeemed my heart over and over again but it cannot help me anyway. Just a few days but how can I keep it for more years to come. The life for me is starting to become empty and pointless. I'm neglecting God in my life and try to search for own benefits and satisfaction over me and this is the answer that was given to me. It is really hurt to love someone especially when they leaving us. I built this love about 12 years and without any second never leaving me.

And yet this question always pondering me;

How could i fall in love the next time,

When I feel very much in love with you.

Why do I keep this love so long but did not realize that I am just the victim of it. I am just the victim of the love that I proud of. I never realize it from beginning. This story should be over 12 years ago without looking back. Even me myself almost cannot believe the decision that I made.

So, is that it?

Is that all that I have?

Where is the dignity? The pride? The glory? The passionate and The Love?

It is ONE SIDED of love that I receive...

12 years of love

Is over now...

There is nothing that I proud of...