thought of the night

well, while i am writing this blog i just in the midst of listening one of my favourite song. 'scatterbrain' by radiohead. i do not know this songs really mean actually but it was still my favourite song since it was release about 7 or 8 years ago. really truth i'm also do not what the things that i want to brings or share in this post. at the early stage i was thingking about to use this blog as a medium to inspiring about the kind of life that i am going through with God at my side. but, my emotion is complicated than it was. almost of the time, i was likely to enter to my own world without any people trying to disturb or intervene me. i just wanna say that i am happy with my life but not good enough. yea, back to the songs scatterbrain just now...actually, when i was listening to it i feel like that i am traveling in machine time which brings me back to the old version of me. never knew that i am gonna end up at the ministry. almost of the time, like i was trying to run myself from this misery but still i wanna to stay without any reason to take it up. to me myself, i feel that i was alone at all the time. considering to this... it is, it is like a selfish attitude that i was too. but the truth is i feel that i don't have courage to move on because everything that i see is more to the something that i want which is not i want and not the things that i need to which i really need. in my life, i trying to understand what the heart of the people really is but for me, it is none people trying to understand which i need to the most. well, i dont care that much. it is up to them. being what i have to be that is much better. hope that Jesus not leaving me behind too far. this burden it too weight for me, God... sometimes i feel so...hehe. maybe i was too complicated already. complicated in the simple things. the truth is i strongly feel that i want to back to those time where my enjoyment is my excitement...and my excitement is i can find through what i am. perhaps, that i need a little bit to wait, for the restoration? towards glory. even i do not know whether my life impacting somebody or not...or end up just a gossip...haha...well, it is not mine to answer. only one things that i hope is that the Spirit will be with me always and guarding my life.


note: me also do not understand what am i talking about. haha...